What a sham it all was. A sham, yes, that’s what it all feels like. It’s probably not quite the right word, but its the only one I keep arriving back to.
Everything feels like a huge, giant sham.
Over the course of the last two years, I’ve done so many things, gone to so many places, seen so much and met so many people ...all the things which I would never have thought possible as the reclusive teenager that I was.
And from those towering heights -the pinnacles of life- I’ve grown so much, I’m so much less green, I’m so much more seasoned, I’m so much less foolish. I’ve matured, and gained so much… oh so, so very much.
But the simple fact is this: I’ve lost too much.
Too much for my own sake, too much for all this to be worth the trouble. I’ve grown cheap, fake and hollow like a beautiful, empty porcelain shell.
Through the smiles, the lies, the jokes, the superficial conversations and the favours that go both ways, there exists only one goal in the end: to get what it is we actually want.
This is all so very wrong, and it really can not go on like this.
My altruism in life, my good faith in people, my desire to do only what is right no matter what --these have already been lost.
I want not to lose any more.
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