Fridays

...mark the start of all the (wonderful) things that the weekend entails.

Not needing to wake up early, or at all. No classes/tutes/work. No pressure. No schedules.

Fun.

It's just the second Friday since the semester started. I'm sitting in the library at three in the afternoon, trying to revise for the doom-and-gloom that will befall upon me next week.

It's just the third Friday I've spent in Sydney since I flew back here, and I've already cancelled out all the other Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays until the semester is effectively over and done with.

I simply won't have the time to a 'weekend'.

Currently, I have lost all my senses of perspective of life -lost them senses all in the sines and cosines and angles of trying to integrate this arbitrary height of a sphere to find it's volume, so that I can find the weight of the working fluid, and thus the pressure it applies to the liquid below.

Why am I doing this?

Why am I cracking my head in this horrendous pile of scribbles and mistakes and errors? Why is it that when I'm done with this, I shall have to worry about LaPlace-transforming equations into forms that I know I will never do for the rest of my life? And then after that, face Mechanics II and be expected to be an expert in the field of motion by an expert who has spent his entire life in the same university?

Why.

The Spiral

Chaos and insanity reigns. The world swirls around you. Dates and people and books and notes and formulas and theory and the pressure of succeeding -not just in these four subjects, but for the many more to come- converge into a continuum devoid of meaning or perspective.

You lose all your faith, hope and respect you had for those around you. They squander into insignificance; your relationship with them carrying little meaning, as they slowly decay into obscurity.

When those closest to you are farthest from you, when those you could always fall back on cannot support the weight of your most difficult burdens, when you realise no one will be there for you and no one can or will do a thing if and should you fail… not just this academic semester, but on all the greater vestiges of the would-bes of your grandiose life...

You will realise then, that you are truly all alone in all this, and no comforting words, or thoughts will bring you out of your own pathetic, miserable little grave.

You then wished you, along with all the other fucking little things around you, could just fall apart, crumble and silently vanish into the abyss, as the spiraling vortex sucks it all away.