Last Legs

 

My recent disgust and distaste at almost everyone around me has been the cause of a huge self-driven mental and emotional wall.

This walled-garden of mine is serene, quiet, and predictable.


But this forced, self-imposed isolation is a lonely and testing existence.

You tend see all those around you in a considerably less-than-favourable light, and the cycle continues, deepening into ever more catastrophic feedback loops.

Can’t exactly say that I’m delighted or pleased at the current situation, but I’d rather it be so than to stoop down and accept alien values, ideals or realities for which I do not share, or beliefs that make every sinew of my soul cringe at the sheer monstrosity of their absurdity.


I was once passionately empowered against religion, against the belief of imaginary omnipotent men/women/being[s] floating in the blue skies above us, and I thoroughly railed against the people who lived their lives under these ridiculous little umbrellas of illogic.

That was one lesson in life I never forgot; I still haven’t the slightest respect or regard for religionists or believers. The greater their beliefs, the farther I wanted to be from them.


Today, I am empowered once more.

Today, I say enough to stupidity.

I will not be cowed into accepting nonsense, misinformation, prejudices or idiocy, just because that’s how the way the world is, or just because that’s the norm.

There is a better way than this.

 

Epiphanies

 
Expectations.

That has been the one single belief that I have held on to for all this time, and has perhaps, been my biggest downfall.

Expectations of academic leniency. Expectations of easy ways out in school, and in life as a whole. Expectations of a rosy future. Expectations of being a rich and fabulous engineer, without hindsight of any/all the pitfalls. Expectations of people.

Reality however, eventually sinks in, and the last of the Titanics that went down the frigid icy cold depths of my local Atlantic waters has all but made this clear: my expectations of life, of people, and of any and every thing around me has grown utterly beyond the depths of realism.

Did I thought that I would graduate from among the world’s best institutions without needing to put in arduous hard work? Did I thought that I would sail through the the entire four treacherous terms here without having to put my life, my pride, and my self-confidence on the line?

Well, it’s time to wake up and realise that the life I have chosen for myself, this path I am heading down and these waters I am steaming through are not and have never been for the light-hearted.

It’s time to wake up and brush all those distractions and illusions and delusions aside, and prioritise on getting through these tough academic yardsticks that by the time I am done with, I would hold in my hands a piece of paper stating: I made it to the finish line.

All other concerns in life can wait till then, all other issues can be decided upon then, all other personal problems can be dealt with then --and only then.

But, if I don’t make it, and if I decide that this is not the path that I truly want, there should not be any expectations that I will pig-head my way down this road either.