It gets more and more difficult with each passing day.
I'll soon be forced to give up so many things: chiefly the people around me, the un-pressured lifestyle, my home, and the car.
OMFG the car. The car is almost like sex! Spectacular ride and handling, drive-by-wire, VVT, VIM... blablablablabla ...and now, a full tank of pricey V-power. The acceleration is ...unbelievably smooth, and the engine revs like a happy pup.
And then, there's the 10kg subwoofer that won't be coming to Sydney with me.
And the friends that obviously can't come along.
In a few more weeks, a top-notch university's hefty academic schedules and syllabus will be laid on me to bear.
I wish I could freeze time and make this moment last forever.
I look fantastic in the mirror. I'm in rude health. My wallet is bulging with notes purple in colour. I have everything I could ever want.
I'm having the time of my life.
Someone, please, make it end slower?
Monday, June 29, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Closing Gates
I feel it in the air. I sense it around me.
As my eyes scan the room with meticulous scrutiny, my mind wanders off to distant places, far beyond these four walls of brick and concrete. Free from the constrains of time and space, people, places and memories from all over replay themselves in my head with excruciating detail.
From bitter events, nasty words, acts of immense selfishness, to the fond memories, the happy moments and the wonderful joys of life: these things that used to affect me so much, no longer seem to do today.
They are getting increasingly smaller and smaller, and less significant with each passing day. It frightens me somewhat to say that certain things -like certain people- do not even matter to me anymore.
I started to think about many things. What would have happened, how would life have turned out, and how different would I have been today had many of those difficult and traumatic events not have taken place.
But you know what? I'm glad they did. I'm glad they all did, for I cannot imagine leaving or being 21 without having gone through all that. I cannot imagine myself being so hopelessly fragile again. Nor do I want to be that foolish and naive once more.
I no longer want my life to be reset.
In terms of where I'm at in life, i am finally -after so long a time- pleased with everything. Which for me, is not an easy thing to say.
So this long, dark and rather emotional post ends on a high note: it's author bustling with positive vibes and a bucket load of hope. now ain't that wonderful?
As my eyes scan the room with meticulous scrutiny, my mind wanders off to distant places, far beyond these four walls of brick and concrete. Free from the constrains of time and space, people, places and memories from all over replay themselves in my head with excruciating detail.
From bitter events, nasty words, acts of immense selfishness, to the fond memories, the happy moments and the wonderful joys of life: these things that used to affect me so much, no longer seem to do today.
They are getting increasingly smaller and smaller, and less significant with each passing day. It frightens me somewhat to say that certain things -like certain people- do not even matter to me anymore.
Yes, it's almost time to go.
I am delighted to have had the opportunity to meet up with (or will soon meet) friends new and old. Seeing long time friends, and relatives, and digging up tales and events from yesteryears has reminded me how gruesome and horrible my childhood and (especially) teenage years were.
I started to think about many things. What would have happened, how would life have turned out, and how different would I have been today had many of those difficult and traumatic events not have taken place.
But you know what? I'm glad they did. I'm glad they all did, for I cannot imagine leaving or being 21 without having gone through all that. I cannot imagine myself being so hopelessly fragile again. Nor do I want to be that foolish and naive once more.
I no longer want my life to be reset.
In terms of where I'm at in life, i am finally -after so long a time- pleased with everything. Which for me, is not an easy thing to say.
So this long, dark and rather emotional post ends on a high note: it's author bustling with positive vibes and a bucket load of hope. now ain't that wonderful?
Sunday, June 14, 2009
The State of My Room
Since the one I've been using all along is slowly tearing apart, and since I am already going off soon, I bought myself an all-new camera bag:
My very important little Red Book (no, not chairman Mao's little red book =P):
Self explanatory:
And finally: 
a big AWWW...
As the days inch, slowly, relentlessly towards 11 July, another part of life nears it's end for me.
As nostalgia sets in, all the inevitable heavy-hearted feelings are beginning to rear their ugly heads. Soon, this would all be nothing more than a memory.
The month of June is when all the closest and most important people in my life grow a year older in number. One by one, their birthdays highlight the fact that I will not be seeing them again for at least half a year.
It has a particular impact on me because in this world of fake, superficial and pretentious individuals, these are the only people I know who are really true.
In addition to them, waking up at 2~3pm everyday, sleeping at 6am, the lovely white coffee, the car, the care-free lifestyle, I will also miss all the friends I'll be leaving behind.
Through thick and thin, sorrow and joy, all of them have been wonderful company (especially over the course of the past few months).
They say people come and go, and it is so true. While many around me are busy drawing their lines, I too, have been busy drawing lines of my own. But to real friends, and family, lines are hardly ever drawn!
There is at least three weeks before I leave, but I cannot help thanking you all; it's been wonderful to have known you guys. =D
As nostalgia sets in, all the inevitable heavy-hearted feelings are beginning to rear their ugly heads. Soon, this would all be nothing more than a memory.
The month of June is when all the closest and most important people in my life grow a year older in number. One by one, their birthdays highlight the fact that I will not be seeing them again for at least half a year.
It has a particular impact on me because in this world of fake, superficial and pretentious individuals, these are the only people I know who are really true.
In addition to them, waking up at 2~3pm everyday, sleeping at 6am, the lovely white coffee, the car, the care-free lifestyle, I will also miss all the friends I'll be leaving behind.
Through thick and thin, sorrow and joy, all of them have been wonderful company (especially over the course of the past few months).
They say people come and go, and it is so true. While many around me are busy drawing their lines, I too, have been busy drawing lines of my own. But to real friends, and family, lines are hardly ever drawn!
There is at least three weeks before I leave, but I cannot help thanking you all; it's been wonderful to have known you guys. =D
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Standing Up
Warning: this is a post drenched in anger -a sheer, random outburst of emotion inspired by loud, bassy, metal music (Linkin Park) that I have become so obsessed with these past few days.
Life. It is many things to many people; the meaning of life is as varied as it is vast. Some spend a lifetime searching for the purpose in theirs, others live through them without even a passing thought. Whatever it may be for you, I know what it is not for me.
Life is not about the ruthless and absolute pursuit of goals, dreams, wealth or utility. There is leeway to everything, room for adjustment in every case, space to manoeuvre in every situation, and above all else, compassion.
Life, and “people” -the humane ones- are not cold or calculative. They are not machines, they are individuals who have humanity in them. They are warm, they have heart and they have values and principles.
There isn't always right or wrong in life; things are never that simple. Where fact, reason and objectivity may dictate, the feelings and emotions that makes us human say otherwise.
Life is not perfect, and neither is anyone.
My life, you can mess with. You can destroy the things I treasure, you can steal from me, my hopes and my dreams you can take away, you can fuck me up… yes, all of you. I may not stand up or fight back. I may have just walked away before, but it means not that I surrender. It means not that I quit.
Because I never will.
I won’t vanish from my earthly-existence without a struggle, I won’t fade into the darkness without first exploding into a blinding burst of flames.
It is not so much about perseverance as it is of defiance: I defy all the shit that is being thrown at me -stubborn little rebellious soul that I am, I refuse to budge.
I wish for anarchy and a coup on the repressive social ‘norms’ and double standards that are being inflicted and implemented on us misfits.
I will not succumb, because I know to life there is diversity, and that is the only thing absolute about it.
Life. It is many things to many people; the meaning of life is as varied as it is vast. Some spend a lifetime searching for the purpose in theirs, others live through them without even a passing thought. Whatever it may be for you, I know what it is not for me.
Life is not about the ruthless and absolute pursuit of goals, dreams, wealth or utility. There is leeway to everything, room for adjustment in every case, space to manoeuvre in every situation, and above all else, compassion.
Life, and “people” -the humane ones- are not cold or calculative. They are not machines, they are individuals who have humanity in them. They are warm, they have heart and they have values and principles.
There isn't always right or wrong in life; things are never that simple. Where fact, reason and objectivity may dictate, the feelings and emotions that makes us human say otherwise.
Life is not perfect, and neither is anyone.
My life, you can mess with. You can destroy the things I treasure, you can steal from me, my hopes and my dreams you can take away, you can fuck me up… yes, all of you. I may not stand up or fight back. I may have just walked away before, but it means not that I surrender. It means not that I quit.
Because I never will.
I won’t vanish from my earthly-existence without a struggle, I won’t fade into the darkness without first exploding into a blinding burst of flames.
It is not so much about perseverance as it is of defiance: I defy all the shit that is being thrown at me -stubborn little rebellious soul that I am, I refuse to budge.
I wish for anarchy and a coup on the repressive social ‘norms’ and double standards that are being inflicted and implemented on us misfits.
I will not succumb, because I know to life there is diversity, and that is the only thing absolute about it.
Friday, June 5, 2009
α Bash
So I was randomly surfing around, and realized that Sony launched three brand (actually, not so) new DSLRS: the α230, α330, and α380.
Sony markets their DSLR line-up under the name "Alpha", and the Greek alphabet "α" is heavily used (along with that lovely orange colour) throughout the packagaing and the actual products themselves.
Each model, differentiated by a triple digit, was suffixed with a capital "a". I have always wondered why. Why not α300 or α100? Why A200?
pfft.
The three new cameras are descendants of the α200, α300 and α350 respectively. So, what are the most notable changes?
New, ugly casings. The α380 gets a new higher resolution sensor.
What hasn't changed? The tiny little flash. 40 segment honeycomb shaped exposure metering (btw all entry-level Nikon DSLRs have 420-segment RGB sensors for metering, the results of which are combined with the distance-to-subject information and compared against a database of 30,000 pictures).
When Sony launched the α350, they equipped it with a live view implementation like.no.other. It wasn't as clumsy as the other DLSRs were when it came to focusing in live view mode. But what Sony never bothered to mention was the optical viewfinder which was also like.no.other before it: its one of the smallest on the market today, solely to make the α350's live view the best.
Question: how many DLSR users you know use live view ONLY? I know of two α350 users, both of them use their tiny optical viewfinders almost exclusively. I'll chuckle in an evil manner now, if you don't mind me.
Also making headlines in the feature list is the new built-in help guide, which can be accessed through the LCD when the camera is on.
Can you see the help button on the camera body and on the display?
And when the button is held down:
Newsflash: this is a camera that was launched in late 2006.
I have an unsettling fear that the Alpha series would dominate the market in a few years time. DSLRs are being made fashion accessories, and are no longer proper tools for photographers. As the mass market of consumers who know nothing of photography (nor have a care for it) 'upgrade' themselves to 'nice looking cameras' with TONS of 'features', you can bet one company will be there for them.
Sony markets their DSLR line-up under the name "Alpha", and the Greek alphabet "α" is heavily used (along with that lovely orange colour) throughout the packagaing and the actual products themselves.
Each model, differentiated by a triple digit, was suffixed with a capital "a". I have always wondered why. Why not α300 or α100? Why A200?
pfft.
The three new cameras are descendants of the α200, α300 and α350 respectively. So, what are the most notable changes?
New, ugly casings. The α380 gets a new higher resolution sensor.
What hasn't changed? The tiny little flash. 40 segment honeycomb shaped exposure metering (btw all entry-level Nikon DSLRs have 420-segment RGB sensors for metering, the results of which are combined with the distance-to-subject information and compared against a database of 30,000 pictures).
When Sony launched the α350, they equipped it with a live view implementation like.no.other. It wasn't as clumsy as the other DLSRs were when it came to focusing in live view mode. But what Sony never bothered to mention was the optical viewfinder which was also like.no.other before it: its one of the smallest on the market today, solely to make the α350's live view the best.
Question: how many DLSR users you know use live view ONLY? I know of two α350 users, both of them use their tiny optical viewfinders almost exclusively. I'll chuckle in an evil manner now, if you don't mind me.
Also making headlines in the feature list is the new built-in help guide, which can be accessed through the LCD when the camera is on.
Can you see the help button on the camera body and on the display?
And when the button is held down:
Newsflash: this is a camera that was launched in late 2006.
I have an unsettling fear that the Alpha series would dominate the market in a few years time. DSLRs are being made fashion accessories, and are no longer proper tools for photographers. As the mass market of consumers who know nothing of photography (nor have a care for it) 'upgrade' themselves to 'nice looking cameras' with TONS of 'features', you can bet one company will be there for them.
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