Breather

My two week long holiday in Sydney comes to an end.

Tomorrow I board another 747-400, though this time round, the plane heads north, back to the tropics of South East Asia.

These past ten days have been thoroughly therapeutic; in my solitude I have found peace, and plenty of time to rest, and tons of it for me to reflect on.

I have also finally managed to find time to straighten out a multitude of nagging issues, ones that I think I have finally managed to un-clutch myself from.

I feel this post is uncharacteristically short, given the volume of things that have happened, but if anything, John Mayer sums everything up wonderfully in this new song of his.

So until next time, wish me a safe and trouble-free trip home. =D

Bridges Burnt

Enough.

I'm sick of these dark recesses.

Come to think of it, isolation and avoiding issues have never helped me in the long run: they serve only to numb the initial shock.

Facing facts, knowing precisely where I stand are the things that give me my grounding.



But I think best of all is dealing with issues.  

I felt a huge sense of liberation when before the finals finished I told the person what I had wanted to tell for a very, very long time straight to the face.

I no longer care about the outcome, or how it will affect said person.

I stand by my decision, but I will not stand for what I consider an utterly unacceptable act.



Today I managed to tell another person what I had wanted to say for quite some time.

And it feels relieving.

It's pretty odd how not caring makes me feel better.

I vow to myself to write less emotionally-drenched posts after this one.

Wish me luck.

And friends, thanks for all your comments. Thanks for sticking around. Thanks for everything. You guys are great.

"...you'd be a clown by now" 

Stench of Resentment

It was unfair. 

Setting four semester's worth of "stuff" into three questions that covered 25% of the syllabus and having it worth 60% of the subject... is... 

I would have accepted defeat and failure had I not put in the effort. I did. And this just doesn't feel right.

I was so stunned that when I left the hall half an hour before the allocated two, I was literally laughing.

But it's not funny. And I feel really, really down.

This isn't the way things should unfold.

The Spiral

Chaos and insanity reigns. The world swirls around you. Dates and people and books and notes and formulas and theory and the pressure of succeeding -not just in these four subjects, but for the many more to come- converge into a continuum devoid of meaning or perspective.

You lose all your faith, hope and respect you had for those around you. They squander into insignificance; your relationship with them carrying little meaning, as they slowly decay into obscurity.

When those closest to you are farthest from you, when those you could always fall back on cannot support the weight of your most difficult burdens, when you realise no one will be there for you and no one can or will do a thing if and should you fail… not just this academic semester, but on all the greater vestiges of the would-bes of your grandiose life...

You will realise then, that you are truly all alone in all this, and no comforting words, or thoughts will bring you out of your own pathetic, miserable little grave.

You then wished you, along with all the other fucking little things around you, could just fall apart, crumble and silently vanish into the abyss, as the spiraling vortex sucks it all away.