Insomnia

Its 5 a.m. in the morning.

I have, for the past five hours, failed in my many attempts to fall asleep.

In these crazy few hours, I have watched a movie, managed to catch up with ALL the news and blog posts of the past week, and found time for myself to just... just wander, idly and slowly round my thoughts and day dreams.

Inevitably, I always look back towards the past.

I feel apologetic to many people for many things. I hope you could find what you're all looking for in this crazy mayhem-filled, malice-infested world of ours. I hope that a couple of you will know that I'm no longer angry or disappointed, and my re-initiating contact with you is a sign of that.

I wish everyone well, and that each of you will find your peace -as I, for the most part, have found mine. =)

In two and a half hours time I am to go to work, and gawd knows how I am to last another eleven hours at work.

Wish me luck.

Encounters of the Silly Kind

As I walked towards the kitchen, I saw a man standing in front of my gate.

Almost wanted to say an [name of race] man but I just realised that, and I am beginning to refuse to identify people by race.

Anyways.

He carried with him a sling-type notebook bag, and was dressed in a collared long-sleeve white tee, holding a green-coloured leaflet with one of his hands.

The conversation goes roughly as follows:


Man at gate:
“Hello, can I have a few minutes of your time, sir?”

Me:
“Sure. What is it about?”

Man at gate:
“Can you please answer this questionnaire? It’s ‘Do you think the world will end…’”

Somewhat bewildered, and cautious, I immediately asked:

“Who is doing this questionnaire?”

Was it the BBC? Was it the WHO? Maybe some university-led study. Or maybe a polling agency wanting to know what the general opinion was; what with the amount of nonsense that is being spewed by the 2012 absurdity -the title of the movie notwithstanding. As these exciting thoughts raced through the neurons of the grey mass in my head, he answered:

“It is meant to be something for you to read”

Me:
“Who is it from?”

Man at gate:
“It is from a group sir.”

Me:
“What group?”

Man at gate:
“It is a Bible studies group tha…”

I cut his sentence short when halfway through, I shook my head and hands in a blatantly violent way, and started walking towards the kitchen again.

I’m pretty sure he clearly heard me yelling “We’re atheists” as I made my way to the kitchen.

I’m not too sure though, why I said “we”; it is only a matter of time before my dad joins the church, what with sickos like these.

And that he already believes an omnipresent, omnipotent being is sitting up there (where is up now that the world isn’t flat and that the atmosphere is of a finite height?) wielding all the powers in the universe[s] but still insists on punishing people for the little and large actions that he/she/it deems as a ‘sin’.

This is not entirely unlike an expert programmer having finished his magnum opus AI-enabled ‘child’, and punishing him/her/it to burn in hell for eternity, simply for making mistakes; mistakes that it was bound to make since it was entirely a programming fault by the said programmer.

It is almost impossible to appreciate the sheer elegant genius inherent in Darwin’s theory; a theory that explains not how things go down the ladder (as in the god-humanity a.k.a. master-slave relationship) but up.

You see, religionists and intelligent-creationists talk about how we/all other beings/animals are created by a higher-up intelligence ‘up there’. What they fail to realise is how this is just an intermediate postponement of the inevitable question: who created the creator?

An unending paradox that will never be solved, it is a question for which religionist have no need to care for. No, for theirs is a solution and an answer not for the minds who think along rational lines, and certainly not for minds for which reason still bears meaning.

I cite ‘all encompassing god was always/is/will always [be] there’ as example and digress.

But for the rest of us not so little folk who question, Darwin answers that question in ways no one else ever can.

Through the hundreds and thousands and millions of years, life goes up the ladder slowly, but surely. It takes time to grasp fully the idea, and to realise and understand how fundamentally important it is, and how mistakenly simple (and thus elegant) the solution sounds.


I wonder why that man at my gate had to be so reluctant at revealing his religious agenda. What a sneaky little bastard.

But then again, how else will religionists recruit people if it wasn’t by the projection of fear? Fear as you lie on your death bed in hospital. Fear as your entire career collapses before you. Fear as your loved one leaves you. Fear as you lose your way to the crises of your lives. Fear when you are thrown off balance by the mayhem of the world.

Fear, as you lose the last remnants of your sanity.

Fear as to how the world will end in twenty four months’ time, and that you’re going to hell for ‘eternity’ to burn till every last drop of matter in your body is no more, but still it will burn some more.

Divergence

So you’ve had a long and tiring day. You’re all but drawn out by the endless (and tiresome) horde of faces. Faces worn like masks. Masks worn like faces. Faces like porcelain shells covering the hollow voids within.

You grab something to eat, you shower, you turn down the white lights into a cozy, mellow haven of incandescent bulbs.

You settle down into a comfy spot, and think to yourself how sickening it all is.

Faces.


It frightens me to realise that I sometimes think of some friends that way. It frightens me to the very core when I think of some friends as a complete and utter nuisance.

It really scares me when I realise how much I’d rather distance myself from those I truly considered friends.

But above all else, it saddens me to think that we’ve grown so much that we no longer sync any more, that our wavelengths don’t match and that we’ve become so irrelevant to one another.


Some of them really go way back. Many don’t. But for those who do, I keep trying to be patient, knowing that this is just a moment and that it will pass.

But what if it doesn’t?

Are we destined then, to never cross paths again?

And worse still: what more of those that don’t go way back?

Thank You

The new year has cometh!

I certainly hope it will be a good one for all of us, especially me ;)

And to further the blatant displays of selfishness, I shall now continue to write about me. This, after all, is my blog and if anything, it is supposed to be about me =P

But I have nothing to write about.

That’s right: nothing, zero, nil.

As the saying goes, “no news is good news” --and this is especially true for me and this blog of mine. These are among the most peaceful and serene days I’ve had in ages. Minor annoyances and frustrations notwithstanding, I have grown deeply accustomed to this environment of zero hostility, zero drama, zero hurt and zero nonsense.

I love my life.

I can’t help but be thankful to all those around me, and to all those who are still with me after everything.

I can’t help but to think back, and question why so many wrongs had to be, and why so many things that were so unnecessary had to happen.

I can’t help but be happy with where I am in life right now; asking, wanting and needing nothing more (except a healthy dose of cash) than all the things I already have.

You are all so awesome, so wonderful, and so, so great. And as another year begins, I cannot help but to wish that every single one of you will still be around for many, many years to come.

This song is for all of you...



...but above all else, especially you ♥

2009

This has been quite a year, and one that I feel, has passed rather too quickly. Or maybe its just me having lost track of time. Maybe I was just too occupied.

Oh I don’t know. Time is never linear anyway.

With the dates and the days approaching the inevitable, sappy and emotional posts are beginning to light up the horizon of Facebook feeds like lighthouses on the shores of a treacherous sea.

I, on the other hand, will have none of that. Just this post. Just this one post on this one blog, for just this one time.

This has indeed been a tough a year for me.

Completely unlike the violent fluctuations between extremes of the previous twelve months, this feels more like a repugnant war that has been bitterly and arduously fought; a series of long drawn battles on many personal fronts.

There were those few times that were oh-so-difficult, that seemed so unbearably tortuous, that saw no air and no light in tunnels that had no end.

But that’s alright I guess. It’s all in the past now.

Through all that I have seen so much more. My ears are less wet now, my soul more seasoned, and my mind much less green.

They say all good things must eventually come to an end. But it’s not just the good things that must end, but the bad, the horrid and the nasty as well. And this is a year that has seen so many things finally come to an end, and so much unfinished business finally finished.

What’s left is a world freed of so many unnecessary complexities, devoid of so much drama, emptied of so much anguish. What’s left is a world and a life I would never trade for anything else, ever.

What’s left are people that are true; friends that I cannot be more glad to have known, friends I cannot be more glad to know, and friends I cannot be more glad to have. 

What more than to be able to start a new year on that note?

= )

Report

Ah my blog; this almost-forgotten page in the myriad of other pages on the great, big net has been left neglected for... well, for just a short period of time.

But it certainly feels like an eternity to me. I've been busy starting my industrial training, waking up early, scuffling here and there, trying to adjust to the new sleep-wake cycles, learning to do new things at work, and all that other other other other stuff[s].

Still, couldn't be happier with how and where everything is at.

And still wouldn't trade any of this for anything else in the world, especially since of late, it has become increasingly clear to me how wonderful and fortunate a life I have.

I believe we must always move on and move forward in life, and one should never go back to things of the past. And in line with that, I cannot say how glad and pleased I am with the things (and the people especially) that are around me today. Whoever and whatever that are not, well, it's for the better!

So I am to wake at around seven a.m. tomorrow [yes, even on Saturdays =( ] to go through another tiring [half] day at work. Until next time, I'll see you guys soon =D

Life

...is good.

Peace. Serenity. The knowledge of there being nothing that would be troubling me for many, many days to come.

That I survived my first semester in UNSW, that I didn't fail Advanced Thermofluids, that I'm rid of all unnecessary social bonds --especially ones that are detrimental to my well-being, that the world is ripe with opportunity, that anything and everything is possible, that my life is fresh, clean and most of all, that my life is straightforward and simple again.

Forget silver linings, there isn't a dark cloud in sight! =D