Liberty

And so it is ended. My time in INTI is finally over. I’m kissing that little damned town in the forest goodbye, and I could not be happier.

As some sort of a farewell-cum-graduation “celebration”, last weekend I went out and had the most wonderful time in the world with the people I most treasure. There was drinks of course, jokes and insults thrown all over (most of which were directed at me!), there was plenty of laughter, plenty of jokes and chatter, a lil’ serious talk here and there, and lots and lots of FUN.

It was lovely.

I got to be exactly who I was, and who I wanted to be: brash, buoyant, sappy and emotional, happy, relaxed, talkative, insulting, sarcastic, nostalgic, and at times, even insensitive. It felt wonderful, all the more so when no one was annoyed or irritated with the things I said or at the way I behaved. Everyone was fine with my many eccentricities.

People accepted me for who I was. It is a wonderful sense of freedom unlike any other. Free, to do or be as you are. Free, to be blunt, to be honest, and to be frank. Free, to speak one’s mind, to blurt it all out knowing that you will not be persecuted for it. Free to do so without fear of repercussions. Free to do all this, knowing that they are with you not because of what you can offer/provide them, how you look, or what they can get out of you, but because you are who you are.

The chains of academia, of ‘social duties’, of fitting into a community by self coercion -these chains I am no longer bounded by. I can now be free to be who and what I am -and that is exactly what I will do. Sod conformity, I want no part of it. I will be as quirky, as stubborn, as arrogant and as brash as I so choose. I will be me. And if that is stupid, if it is detrimental to my social life, or even to my life as a whole, then so be it.

No, I shall be pretentious no more.

Give me freedom, give me liberty, or give me death!

Just That Little Bit Closer...

Well, look just how near the end is: April 15. That’s just a little over two weeks away, and after that so many things will never be the same again.

It marks the end of what has been an extremely colorful (and trying) thirty months of my life. I’ve grown and changed so much, I doubt many would even recognize me as the same person I was all those years go.

I have been king of the world, I have been pathetic loser. I have been heartbreaker, I have been heartbroken. I’ve lost so much, and I’ve also gained so much. So many people have come and gone in such short a time, so many things have changed in such short a period.

This has all been such a bittersweet experience for me; I can’t say for sure whether I would or would not have wanted things to turn out differently.

But standing here today as someone who has gone through the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, I am certain that I’m ready to let it all go. I drink to all that I am lucky enough to have, and all that I have lost. 

As I watch the baggages of my life burn in the distance, I thank all of you who are still with me today -your unwavering faith in me, and the patience you’ve shown has given me meaning and strength during the most difficult of times. 

Just two more weeks to go.

I can’t wait for all this to be over.

I can’t wait to get back to that lovely city in the valley, my home.

I can’t wait to see my parents again.

I can’t wait to have this long and much needed break.

I can’t wait for all this to end, to breathe anew, and for a new chapter to begin.

I can’t wait to leave this all behind me, and to start fresh.

"...You are too young to become a poet,
Too bright to vanish quietly into the night,
Too intelligent to live and die like a cockroach,
And to wise too let life's little obstacles dictate your next move."

Humans

We’re all such a pathetic bunch.

We’re the wisest of the animals, our greatest asset: our ability to reason.

Or so it is said, for when the crunch comes, we break down and give way to the senselessness and the illogic of feelings and emotions.

Faith, love, happiness, hurt or selfishness. No one is immune, not even the staunches of atheists, the most cynical or jaded of lovers, not the strongest of people nor the most selfless of individuals.

We think of ourselves as superior to those around us. We impose our ideals and our beliefs -we who claim to accept and embrace diversity and promote individualism pour scorn on those who deviate from our perceived normality.

We’re nothing but hypocrites who live our lives to principles to which we cannot uphold to.

We do the things that hurt those who truly care for us. We let people and the immaterial come between the things that are really important to us. We who are taught and claim to forgive hold life-long grudges, as we cling to the bitterness of past events.

Fickle, shallow and annoying irritants. Tiresome, stubborn and sickening clingers who won’t let the past be. Cold, cruel, calculative machines who have not a soul. Righteous, thick-headed jerks. There isn't anything here that we have not been or done to those around us, and vice versa.


What I do, that will be done to me, and what you do, others will do to you.

But hey, that’s just what I believe in --me, the faithless atheist. Me, the hypocrite. 

Genes

WOW! Do I not bloody look like Si Heng or what? =D

Sing Along...

This is a very special song to me.

Though not intended to be read as such, I guess looking at it in general, it gives us inspiration to persevere when we are at our lowest and darkest moments.

It is and has always been special to me for this reason, but today, it is for another. I think those of us who are/will be flying off overseas will be able to relate well to it.

There’s so much energy and emotion in it. I think this is a fantastic song. After a bad/mellow/depressing day, I pop a can of beer open in the night, and if/when this song plays, I can’t help but shout:

WALK ON!!! :D

silon

Dateline

The overseas degree is really starting to get to me. All of the sudden and out of no where, I finally realized something: I have only a few more months here before I'd be off to Australia.

I have absolutely no idea when I'll be back again, hopefully soon -and often- but I wouldn't know. I have no idea how long I'll be there for either; a few years maybe. Hopefully.

While I'm certainly not over the moon or super excited about going off, I am (naturally) getting nostalgic. It's just a few months more before I'd be gone!

You know, I have so much I want to do.

I want to spend as much time as I can with those closest to me, appreciating their warmth and their wonderful company as best I can. I'd want these remaining few months to be both memorable and meaningful.

I’d like to “clean up” some of the messy bits of my life; I have so much bad blood with so many people. Though it has never really bothered me all this while -it still doesn’t- it would certainly be great to be able to patch things up before I go.

This is beginning to sound so much like I’m about to die (!), while in actual fact its just going to be me being a continent away for eight months on end. But I guess like death, in a way it highlights how precious time is for all of us.

It is something we rarely realize until an ‘end’ is really before us, and only then do we start appreciating life, the people and the things around us to the full.

And so, with about four more months left, I’ll be trying to make use of this time as best I can. When this is over, I want to be able to look back and know that not a second of it was wasted away.

silon

Cloud Nine

Moderately high up and above the clouds, there I sat in that cramppy little seat and all I could do was to keep looking out the window.

The sun's rays had this wonderful golden hue to it, and everything was almost magical. Every time I look at this picture, it always brings me back to one of the best and most memorable times of my life; meeting/being with friends closest to me, and having all the time in the world. 

And all the while, the one song that wouldn't stop playing in my head the entire month-long period:

Boy, it was all so fantastic!

silon