Issues.
I have lots, and lots of issues.
Childhood was a pretty rough time for me: the targeted isolation I suffered from cousins, the name-calling at school (my middle name makes for easy verbal abuse even for the most uninspired of people) and then, finally, as a teenager completely alienated and disassociation with society as a whole.
It’s three in the morning, and I have a paper to sit for at 8.45, and I haven’t a clue why I need this to be written.
The exams —ah those blasted three subjects— were essentially over and done with on Tuesday, the last of them engineering subjects that one needed to worry over. The two papers remaining I’ve already passed with coursework marks alone: 29/30, 39/40, 10/10, so the marks go.
Almost exactly the way it was last semester, I remind myself.
I have since (the ‘conclusion’ of the exams) been letting almost each and every relationship vegetate away, for in the solace of these four walls and the umbilical cord of glass fibres and pulsating flashes, I have found space.
And serenity.
Hypocrisy becomes of me tonight, as my innate sense of selfishness takes over, yet again. I think to myself the certainty of me dying a pathetic old man, lonely from lack of/non-existent social interaction perhaps not, miserable from the sad state that would become of me in my old age most definitely yes.
Questions, questions, questions, but always without the answers.
Jumbled bits and pieces of incoherence, fragments of discontinuous thoughts, a whirlwind of chaos: one would be right to think that I’m going insane.
But then again, what is insanity when properly kept within the confines of one’s mind? After all, madness and insanity are only relative terms, subjective in themselves.
I reckon the very posting of this entry alone would make it clear that I best be left alone to ponder in my lucid quasi-dreams. Peanut, anyone?
I have lots, and lots of issues.
Childhood was a pretty rough time for me: the targeted isolation I suffered from cousins, the name-calling at school (my middle name makes for easy verbal abuse even for the most uninspired of people) and then, finally, as a teenager completely alienated and disassociation with society as a whole.
It’s three in the morning, and I have a paper to sit for at 8.45, and I haven’t a clue why I need this to be written.
The exams —ah those blasted three subjects— were essentially over and done with on Tuesday, the last of them engineering subjects that one needed to worry over. The two papers remaining I’ve already passed with coursework marks alone: 29/30, 39/40, 10/10, so the marks go.
Almost exactly the way it was last semester, I remind myself.
I have since (the ‘conclusion’ of the exams) been letting almost each and every relationship vegetate away, for in the solace of these four walls and the umbilical cord of glass fibres and pulsating flashes, I have found space.
And serenity.
Hypocrisy becomes of me tonight, as my innate sense of selfishness takes over, yet again. I think to myself the certainty of me dying a pathetic old man, lonely from lack of/non-existent social interaction perhaps not, miserable from the sad state that would become of me in my old age most definitely yes.
Questions, questions, questions, but always without the answers.
Jumbled bits and pieces of incoherence, fragments of discontinuous thoughts, a whirlwind of chaos: one would be right to think that I’m going insane.
But then again, what is insanity when properly kept within the confines of one’s mind? After all, madness and insanity are only relative terms, subjective in themselves.
I reckon the very posting of this entry alone would make it clear that I best be left alone to ponder in my lucid quasi-dreams. Peanut, anyone?
1 comment:
*smacks!* You'll not be alone!
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